There is a tenuous line between taking responsibility for our mistakes and using our shortcomings to define who we are. Having worked closely with thousands of people over the last twenty years, I know that unfortunately, many of us fall into the second category.
There is a common misconception that if we hold close to our mistakes and see ourselves as inadequate, it somehow makes us better by avoiding egoism or lethargy. Sadly, many of us move far past being “less than” to ascribe to a personal narrative that includes feeling worthless and even pathetic.
The reality is that feeling bad about who we are does not in any way benefit us, nor does it speak to any underlying fact. The truth is that we all have Intrinsic Worth, a deep and unchanging value, present from birth and not dependent on who we are or what we do.
There is so much to be gained from accepting our Intrinsic Worth and knowing we are enough. Life becomes easier, sweeter and more extraordinary. If you are resistant to embracing this foundational principle, here are six reasons to do it anyway.
- We Become Kinder: Since many of us are more comfortable focusing on the needs of others, let’s start there. When we accept our Intrinsic Worth, we are able to see past our mistakes and errors. We learn to regard ourselves with grace, compassion and forgiveness. When we make this shift, it is easier to approach others in the same way.
- We Have Healthier Relationships: One of the most amazing benefits in knowing we are enough is freedom from looking for validation in other people and other things. We understand that our value is already present and when other people let us down, their words or actions have nothing to do with us. This principle, what I define as Psychological Separation, is a solution to a fundamental challenge in all relationships. Being aligned with our Intrinsic Worth changes our perspective, lessens our expectations and gives us what we need to participate in healthy, positive relationships.
- Less Anxiety and Depression: Research gives us indisputable evidence that higher levels of worth are directly linked to lower incidence of both anxiety and depression. But while conventional thought focuses on the concept of self-esteem, Intrinsic Worth is so much greater and the benefits likewise. Knowing we are enough decreases the negative thoughts and feelings that specifically contribute to both anxiety and depression.
- Improved Physical Health: Research again presents us with evidence that self-worth is positively correlated to physical health. One of the profound changes that occurs in accepting Intrinsic Worth is an alignment with what is personally supportive and respectful, such as maintaining a nutritious diet and engaging in regular exercise. Furthermore, knowing we are enough offers us an opportunity to find peace with ourselves as well as with everyone and everything outside of us, decreasing all sources of stress and favorably impacting our physical wellness.
- We Make Better Decisions: When we recognize we are enough; we accept the value within. What emerges is the organic desire to protect our experience and well-being. Accepting Intrinsic Worth offers us clarity around what will best support us in these endeavors. Positive decisions aligned with our greatest welfare and purpose naturally follow.
- It is Fundamentally Untrue: Any evidence you think you have to support a continued disconnection from your true value is flawed. Mistakes, failings and errors are part of the human experience and meant to teach us. Yet, our Intrinsic Worth never falters or dissipates. Period.
Your life can become extraordinary. It must be understood that while suffering is part of our shared experience, we are not condemned to a life of pain. There is a way to move past adversity and the heartache it creates. No limit exists to the good that is available to us. But first, we must know we are enough.
Jenni Carroll, LMFT is an author, thought leader and therapist. Jenni is devoted to teaching foundational spiritual principles that create an easier and more extraordinary life. Her podcast The Jenni Carroll Perspective shares wisdom curated from research and experience along with valuable insight gained from closely supporting others to improve their relationships and their lives. For additional resources visit https://www.jennicarroll.com.
