When the feeling strikes it is impossible to set aside. For years you may have precariously made it through every venue in life irritated and ignorant of the cute little babies around you, glad from the depths of your self that you werent attached to some little creature hopelessly, relishing in your freedom. Then suddenly, because you met that certain someone or because you feel the hands of your internal clock ticking away with fury, you wake up and all you think about is baby blue and pink. You realize with an epiphany that you want a baby! Once you hit this point, the feeling is irreversible and can take over your every thought. It is as if the words ‘I want a baby’ are imprinted on your forehead and you realize that suddenly blue eyed, pudgy and short humans are gravitating to you at every turn.
Wanting a baby and having a baby are often too different things. it’s almost like ordering a new dish at your favorite restaurant. You know you love the food there and usually stick to that one yummy dish; but one day you decide to order something new. As you wait you imagine the deliciousness of the sautéed onions and mushrooms, the mouth watering chicken and crunchy water chestnuts. When the dish comes you take one bite and think ‘oh, is this really what I ordered’ and you wish instantly that you stuck with what you knew. The problem when you adapt this attitude to children is that you can’t just come back another day and order your old standby’ you are forever stuck with chewy chicken and mushy chestnuts!
Of course, children are wonderful and amazing. They are indeed little miracles and when you have them you wonder why you waited so long or how you lived without them. Yet, the harsh realities of taking full responsibility for another human life and the emotional, financial, physical and spiritual exhaustion that often takes hold are not something most people expect. Even if they have been warned by their parent friends or have baby-sat nieces and nephews, nothing prepares you for the result of the “I want a baby” mindset. One of the reasons having a baby is so difficult is because it completely changes everything all at once and your world falls apart and has to rebalance more quickly than ever before. The minute you become pregnant, your life right down to you very own body are handed over to another life and when the baby is born you realize just how helpless, needy and dependant they are. Whatever your dreams were before, now they are different and you have to readjust every thought and action to accommodate. With that comes a deep slice of regret and longing for the life you had before, which can most definitely lead to resentment for your decision. But, no worries, it won’t last long.
Luckily, these feelings will slink into the deeper layers of who you are where they will remain on stand-by until your children grow up. This allows you to give and provide for your child in ways that you never thought imaginable or necessary. There is no feeling in this world that compares to holding your own flesh and blood, straight from the womb and it is the pivotal moment where dreams are created
There are all sorts of ways to prepare for the “I want a baby” syndrome that seems to hit men and women. Experts will tell you to prepare your mind and body, to engrave your financial future solidly to make things easier and to baby proof your home before your baby is even born. Counselors recommend that you be married for x number of years and that you ascertain the deeply rooted belief system of your partner so that you will come to agreement when it comes to your shared children. The problem with all of that, is when the process of having a baby is over thought or over figured or over planned, you remain in a state of exhaustion and doubt about having a baby. This takes away from the very sheer, pure and unparalleled pleasure of just listening to your intuition. ‘I want a baby’ may just mean that the time in your life is right, that your fertility is prime and that you have finally walked through the threshold where you realize that there is more love in life and inside you that needs to be shared. In other words, it doesn’t have to be explained with precision – it can’t be!’
Wanting to have a baby is a natural, innate and beautiful feeling that just is.
Millions of babies in this world are born for the wrong reasons. Many are born to marriages in trouble that are looking for something to bind them together more permanently. Millions more are born to one night stands or failed birth control methods. Another million are born to people who never believe that they would want a baby and still more are born to the frantic, hormonal and excited chants of women who are in baby mode. The when’s, whys and how’s really don’t have to be explained and no women should have to completely understand the reasoning behind the ‘I want a baby blues.’ The bottom line is that when you meet her (or him), it all makes sense. It may not be the dish that you expect on more levels than one and it you may find that some days the sautéed chicken is chewy or you didn’t get what you expected. Yet, you will always come back to this place and you will never consider sending it back.
