There are many different theories and opinions about when you should tell people that you are expecting. For many people, the rule of thumb is to wait until you have passed the first trimester to spread the happy news that you are having a baby. A pregnancy passed the 12 week mark normally signifies that the baby is healthy and the risk of a miscarriage drops dramatically once you cross the threshold into the second trimester. Plus, since most women may have early symptoms of pregnancy such as morning sickness or nausea but aren’t exactly showing, they can keep their pregnancy a secret if that is what they wish to do. For those that don’t want to share the news with others, it can be kind of fun having a secret that is shared only between you and your significant other. This gives you time to digest the news yourself, and to make some decisions about your future!
Others however, can hardly allow the pregnancy test to show a positive result before calling every one they know and sharing that they are pregnant. After all, there is no such thing as a ‘little bit pregnant.’ You either are or you aren’t – and if something were to go wrong with the pregnancy, many women feel that they would want and need the comfort and support of friends and family to help pull them through.
The good news is that there is no right or wrong answer about when to share your pregnancy. Sharing your pregnancy with the world is a personal decision. Sharing the news right away in no way predisposes you to having a miscarriage. Whatever will be will be, regardless of whether you keep the pregnancy a secret or share it on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.
That being said, it is important to take into consideration WHO you are telling, and your personal circumstances before you share the news with others.
After all, the last thing you want is your parents to find out you are pregnant through a mutual friend, rather than from you and to feel like they are the last one on the planet that you shared the news with. Additionally, if you are just dating someone and are not involved in a long term commitment, or are pregnant as a result of a one night stand telling the world you are pregnant is not going to be expected news. And you never quite know how the people in your life circle are going to react. No matter how much they love you, chances are they will have opinions of their own and may not be very accepting of the pregnancy to begin with. In situations like these, where other people tend to be judgmental and often harsh you must first be sure that you have wrapped your mind around the pregnancy and have had time to deal with your own emotions before inviting the feelings and opinions of other people. Perhaps sharing the news with a close friend first, rather than going straight to your parents or family members is the best rule of thumb. Plus, as stated above you won’t likely be showing any time soon, so there is nothing wrong with keeping the news to yourself for a while if that is what you choose.
If you have been trying to conceive for a while, and have been open with the people in your life that a baby is in the future, then chances are your inner circle of friends and family will be expecting and welcoming of the news. For many people who have difficulty conceiving or who have been trying fertility treatments, the news of a pregnancy is a much anticipated and exciting time that you will likely want to share as soon as you know. Trying to conceive is an emotionally grueling process and most often the people in your life will be thrilled to find out you are pregnant. However, for many women who are trying to conceive, the risk of miscarriages in the first trimester is high and it may be difficult to share the news until you feel confident that the pregnancy is viable. This is also true for women who have miscarried in the past. You shared the news with everyone you knew only to have to go back later and tell them that you had a miscarriage. This can be a very painful and sometimes drawn out process that you may want to avoid the next time around.
One word of advice however, is to refrain from telling your employer that you are pregnant until you are passed the first trimester. In fact, you may want to keep the news to yourself in front of your boss and co-workers for as long as possible. Despite the fact that laws are in place to protect women from workplace discrimination due to pregnancy, some employers will still look you over for a raise or promotion or even look to replace you if they find out that you are having a baby. Employers realize that without a doubt, an employee having a baby will cause a disruption to the ‘business as normal’ flow at some point and may wrongly see your pregnancy as an inconvenience to them.
The truth is that whether you are single, married for 8 years with 4 kids already, trying to conceive, 18 years old or 43 years old you never quite know how other people are going to react to your pregnancy. Family members tend to be the most judgmental, only because they want the best for you and may fear that you are making a bad decision, or aren’t ready for a baby. (Or have too many already!) But let’s be honest, your pregnancy is part of you and people that love you will have to at some point be on board and supportive of you. If they love you, then they will eventually realize that this is YOUR child you are talking about, and they need to extend the love they have for you to your baby as well. It may take others time to come to this conclusion, so you shouldn’t put too much emphasis on what others think. What matters is how YOU feel. This is also true when it comes to who you tell and when you spill the news that a baby is on the horizon. Remember this is your personal business, and it doesn’t really matter what other people think, only that you are doing what is right for you at the time.
