Managing Troubling Behaviors

This time of year is emotionally charged, and your child is probably experiencing a slew of hard feelings. Guilt, anxiety, despair, anger, loss. Old memories may be coming to the surface, triggered by the smells, sounds and tastes of the holidays. Take the time to understand what your child is going through. All adopted children experience the holidays differently. Children who spent many years with their birth family and many years in foster care may have happy or sad memories of birth families and old traditions left behind. Internationally adopted children are likely to feel disconnected from their cultural roots, and may have many questions about their birth culture. Those children from open adoptions can experience stress and conflicting feelings about their birth parents and adopted parents. And finally, children who know little or nothing about their birth parents may spend more time reflecting on the birth families they have no memories of. Be observant during this time. Take notice of mood swings, subtle expressions and body language.

Try to understand what your child is going through by initiating discussions. Say things like, “you seem sad,” or “you seem frustrated,” and invite your child to discuss the problem openly. Point out your observations in a non-judgemental way. This will help validate your child’s feelings. If your child is having a hard time grappling with these emotions, make or purchase a blank book where your child can record intense feelings in a way that is private and non-destructive. If your child has a Life Book, take it down off the shelf and look it over together. Talk about the memories, and explore the undesirable thoughts that have been coming to the surface.

To keep the both of you from going crazy, give yourself permission to let the little things slide. Don’t try to discipline every single wrong behavior that comes up; only tackle the big things. Forgive your child, and forgive yourself at the end of every day.

Maintaining and Creating Traditions

If your child is the product of an open adoption and you have a functional relationship with your child’s birth parents, it is important to nurture this relationship at the holidays. Maybe you’ll start a gift-exchange tradition, or an annual winter holiday brunch at your child’s favorite restaurant. This will help your child feel like he or she is a part of a stable, healthy family unit. Never subvert the relationship between your child and his or her biological family. When a schedule is made for a visit, stick to it. Avoid any stressful situations by keeping the lines of communication with your child’s birth parents open.

For an internationally adopted child, learn the practices of his or her cultural origins. Integrate these cultural traditions into your family traditions, because these cultural roots are now connected to your own family and this should be acknowledged. Make traditional foods, celebrate special holidays and talk about the origins of these holidays with members of your family. Similar advice could be given to families of adopted foster children. Former foster children may have strong personal memories of old times with their birth family, or previous foster families. These roots should not be lost or forgotten but rather brought into the open, and celebrated when possible. Your adopted children should be taught that their memories of the holidays are okay to have.

To strengthen your personal bond with your child, develop some new family traditions together. This will help your child dismiss feelings of being an outsider in a family where traditions may already have been established long ago. For example, create a new holiday ornament, as a family, every year. Light a candle for the joys and sadnesses you and your child may be feeling at the holidays, and discuss both openly. Watch your favorite holiday movies together in a “holiday movie night,” and make popcorn balls and cookies for the occasion.

Avoiding Problems

Be sensitive to the way your extended family treats your adopted child at family functions. This is especially important in blended families with biological and adopted children. No one wants to think that their extended family treats their adopted children differently, but watch out for behaviors from extended family that may make your adopted child feel isolated from your biological children. If you notice problems, address the issues with your child and with your extended family members. If your child says something to you acknowledging the problem, explain that not all people respond to adoption in the same way. This may be hard for your child to hear, and harder for you to say, but covering or denying the issue won’t make it go away. By acknowledging the problem, you show your child that you understand their feelings and that you can face the problem together. Talk to your extended family about these problems. Be firm and stand up for the rights of your child. It helps if you can build up to the holidays gradually. Start talking about holiday plans and traditions early to avoid unexpected problems. Make your holiday plans clear, so that your child knows what to expect. If you can avoid it, stick to your regular daily routines, and don’t change plans at the last minute. This is especially important if your child struggles with hyperactivity or anxiety. For a child who is new in your family, practice giving and receiving gifts. This is important because expectations may have been different in your child’s previous homes. This way you can avoid embarrassing or aggravating situations, and your child will know what to expect.

Finally, don’t chase the perfect holiday. Keep a sense of humor and be realistic. The holidays with an adopted child can be an enriching experience that ultimately strengthens your family bond, but you must remember to keep a level head and dismiss unrealistic expectations. Remind yourself every day that you and your child can find happiness, even as you experience bumps along the way.

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Children are placed in foster care when their parents or guardians—for whatever reason—cannot take care of them. Sometimes this occurs because of the death of the parent (or parents). Other times, it happens when children are removed from their home as the result of abuse or neglect. Children may also be voluntarily committed to foster care by their parents when the family is experiencing unmanageable hardship.

In most cases, foster care is meant to be a temporary placement while children wait to return to their original guardians or biological parents. Parents who voluntarily committed their children to foster care often do so with the intention of taking their children back into their home as soon as the situation improves. When children have been removed from a home because of abuse or neglect, the parents are often given multiple chances to create a safe household for their children. Once parents can prove they are able to care for their children again, the children are returned.

Unfortunately, some parents are unable to create an appropriate living situation for their children. In this case, the court must order the termination of parental rights (TPR). One the parental rights have been terminated, a child may be legally placed for adoption.

Many children live in foster care for years before the TPR is ordered. During this time, it is not uncommon for a child to have multiple foster care placements. Often children are first placed in short-term foster care while a long-term foster care placement is arranged. Many foster care parents are not fully prepared for the challenges they face opening their home to a foster child, and many foster care children arrive shaken and traumatized. These circumstances make finding a successful foster care placement very difficult. By the time that a foster care child has been freed for adoption, he or she may have been in many homes over many years, with many families.

Adoption from foster care can occur in many different ways. Sometimes a placement in a foster family can last for many years, and when the TPR is ordered, foster parents make the decision to adopt their long-time foster children. Other times, children are adopted by outside families that have been determined to be an appropriate fit for that child. Sometimes children find a forever family in the very city—or even neighborhood—where they have been living with their foster family. Other times children may be adopted by families from out of the city, or even out of the state.

All foster care adoptions involve a lot of paperwork, bureaucracy and time. When a child is placed under foster care, that child is assigned to a case worker. The child’s case worker represents that child’s interests as the child moves through the foster care system. Case workers that represent children available for adoption exchange information with case workers who represent families looking for children to adopt, and this is often how connections are made and adoptions are initiated.

Families that seek a child to adopt a child from foster care must align themselves with an adoption agency in their city, and the agency will assign that family to a case worker. Parents are required to take classes that will prepare them for the challenges they will face as adoptive parents to foster care children. Years of loss, instability, uncertainty, frustration, fear and disappointment are scarring to children in foster care. The required classes teach parents how to advocate for their children, how to handle sensitive emotional issues and how to manage the day to day issues that children in foster care must overcome. These classes are arranged by the agency and are among the requirements for adoption.

Once parents have successfully completed the classes and have undergone extensive checks for eligibility, a homestudy must be written. A homestudy is a comprehensive document about a family that wishes to adopt a child. A homestudy can take as long as a month to write, can be as long as 50 pages or more, and will include nearly everything that can be put into words about that family and its home life. The homestudy is written by a qualified caseworker who conducts exhaustive interviews of every member of the household, checks references, and collects documents like paychecks and tax returns. When it is complete, the homestudy will include the history of each family member, personality and character descriptions, a full description of the home where the family lives, parental work history and educational background, and household income. The homestudy can seem invasive and questions can be difficult to answer at times, but the homestudy plays a crucial role in placing the right child with the right family. It is important for every member of the family to be open and honest during this process.

Once the homestudy has been completed, a copy of the homestudy is released to the family. The homestudy is to an adoptive family what a resume is to a job seeker. Prospective adoptive parents are allowed to send their homestudy to case workers that represent children available for adoption. Lists of children who are currently available for adoption may be found online—with pictures, limited descriptions of their backgrounds, and their caseworker’s contact information. While the prospective parents send their homestudy to different case workers locally and out of state, the prospective parents’ caseworker may also sending their homestudy to other case workers who represent children waiting to be adopted.

Many children who are available for adoption are considered to be “special needs”. Special needs children are children who are difficult to place either because they have an emotional or physical impairment, or (often) because they are of an older age than what most prospective parents are seeking. In many cases, children who are of school age, regardless of their physical or emotional health, are considered special needs. Many parents seeking children for adoption would like to adopt babies or toddlers. Unfortunately, many children in foster care waited for years for the termination of parental rights, and are over five years old. Families that are flexible in their expectations for adoption—who are open to adopting a special needs child—are more likely to have a fast and successful placement.

Once a potential match has been identified, it is arranged for the prospective parents and children to meet. If the match seems to be successful, visitations begin, and soon the child is placed in the care of the prospective parents. This process can take days, weeks or months. After the child is placed permanently in the prospective parents’ home, the final steps are taken for the legal adoption to occur.

Once a child is placed in the home of an adoptive family, the family goes through something that is often referred to as a “honeymoon period”. During this time, children and parents both present their best sides and life seems unrealistically perfect. The length and severity of the honeymoon period will depend on the specific circumstances of each placement. Parents may feel unprepared when the honeymoon ends and the child begins to show the anger and sadness that has naturally been building in the child for the last several years. These feelings can manifest themselves with unexpected behaviors, making the transition difficult. Although many placements proceed to adoption even through all the difficulties, adoptive placements have been known to fall apart at all stages of adoption. Only when the final proceedings have taken place, and the final adoption papers are signed, are the children secure in their placement with their forever family.

To handle the adoptive proceedings, a lawyer may be assigned to the family by the agency, or the family may seek their own counsel. In the US, foster care adoption is subsidized by the government, and this process is often free or nearly free. In many cases, families that adopt from foster care also collect a monthly subsidy check from the government once the adoption has been finalized, with severe special needs cases warranting larger subsidy amounts. Whether a subsidy is granted, and the amount of the subsidy, is determined state by state and case by case. This money is meant to ensure that the child will receive the services he or she needs to grow up happy and healthy.

The process of adopting a child from foster care, while ultimately a rewarding process, takes fortitude, strength of character and persistence. The foster care system is a large and often discouraging bureaucracy. There is no easy road to foster care adoption, and even the most successful placements require more work and determination than any parent can prepare for. Parents who seek to adopt a child from foster care are very special people indeed.

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Do Your Homework

Before you fully commit yourself to the adoption process, you should study adoption issues and the various types of adoption in order to determine whether or not adoption is right for you. The rewards of adoption are immeasurable. However, adoption is a time-consuming and expensive process that may not be right for everyone. Educate yourself regarding the adoption process. To do this, there are countless resources on the Internet, from government websites to adoption agency home pages, to the personal blogs of adoptive parents.

Website Resource Guide:

Check out books from the library and read about the challenges that adopted children face as they grow into young adults. Many adopted children have come from difficult circumstances that may affect them later in life as they grow and develop. As a parent, you will need to be sensitive to your child’s needs.

Share the News With Family

Talk to your extended family members (such as parents, brothers, sisters) about your decision to adopt a child. Consider the way you plan to tell each family member before coming out with the news. Take the time to announce the news to your family in a way that stresses their importance as potential new grandparents, aunts and uncles.

Educate your family members about the adoption process and what they can expect in the coming months. Make the effort to share with them the joy and anxieties you may be experiencing, to make them feel connected to your experience. Your adopted child will need to have the support of extended family, to give them the security they will need, so it is important that you encourage your extended family to take an active role in the process.

Changes to Your Lifestyle

You will likely need to make changes to your lifestyle and environment in order to prepare for your coming child. Adopting a child can be different from giving birth to an infant because in many cases, adopted children are somewhat older and have needs that are different from infants. If your child is school age, you will need to find out what school is in your district, what you will need in order to enroll your child and if the school has any special programs that will benefit your child. A few things you may never have considered but will need to give thought to include, how will your child get to school and how will your child get home? If you will be unable to pick up your child directly after school, where will your child go in the mean time?

If you are adopting a child who is younger than school age, you will need some way to care for your child during the day. This will either mean that you will need to make arrangements for an adult to be home during the day (which is not always possible), or you will need to find a day care facility where your child will be comfortable and well cared for. Explore the different day care options by visiting many different sites.

These are only a few of the many issues to consider to ensure that you are prepared to care for your child. Your child will need health insurance, a pediatrician, dentist, toys and clothes. If your child is old enough to eat solid foods, you may need to make adjustments to your diet so that your child is happy with the food served at the table. Preparing food for a family with children can be very different from preparing food for adults, and you may need to change your diet, at least for a while. When your child has just arrived in your house, it will be important to make the transition for your child as smooth as possible–which may mean that you will serve food your child is known to like at meal times. Although you may not always wish to accommodate your child in this way, it will help at first.

Make Your Child’s Room

Your child will need a space of their own. It’s natural for expecting parents to prepare a nursery for their new arrival–your job as an adoptive parent is the same. This may be doubly important if you plan to adopt a child older than one or two years old, as your child will have memories of previous homes and will inevitably become homesick and even traumatized by the new change in environment. You must find ways to make the space for your child seem inviting, welcoming and most important safe. Soothing colors, soft stuffed animals and soft blankets are all natural additions to a safe room for a child. If your adopted child is older, try to make the space personal to the tastes of your child, if you know what those tastes are.

Add small touches to the room, like a sign on the door with your child’s name on it. As you learn things about your child’s preferences and tastes in toys, books and games, try to collect these items one at a time, to make your child feel truly welcome and at home.

Take Time For Yourself

The last thing you should remember as you prepare to adopt is to take time for yourself. Adoption is a joyful, stressful, anxiety-causing event. You may find yourself caught in a slew of emotions over the coming arrival of your child–this is natural and expected. Look into adoptive parent support groups. Take time to do the things that put you at ease–like meditation, listening to music, drinking tea or reading a book.

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Should You Adopt?

The decision to adopt is very personal. You have to be able to recognize your reasons to adopt. There are many couples who are so desperate to have a child of their own and cant that they immediately want to adopt a child to fill that void. Psychologists warn that adopting for this reason and this reason alone may not be such a good idea right away. Placing the expectations, ideals and pinning the cure to your disappointment on another child is only a quick fix to deal with your emotions. You should first take the time to heal from the wound of not being able to have a child of your own, before dipping into adoption. One reason is because the adoption process often takes time, leads to further disappointment, and takes an extremely balanced mindset to master.

If you have the desire to have children or add more children to your home, and can reasonably take care of them and love them, then you should try to adopt. In fact, if every family that could adopt and raise another child would the world could be a forever-changed place with millions of children understanding the parameters of family love. If you want to adopt a child then you should take the steps to do so at a time in your life when you feel ready to handle the challenges and hurdles you will be forced to leap over. In the midst of a divorce, a mid-life crisis, devastation over infertility or suffering from a complete lack of financial stability are not times to undergo the process. Instead, you should work through your issues to ensure you aren’t selfishly taking a child into a life that is dysfunctional. This isn’t to say you have to be perfect in order to adopt because no family is perfect. But you should make sure that you are able to think clearly and act responsibly.

The next step in deciding about whether to adopt is to rise above your emotions of the matter and check into the legal ramifications in your state. Look at the costs, the options and do an immense amount of studying and research so you can have realistic expectations and see the ‘business end’ of adding to your family through adoption. One piece of advice is to contact the Adoptive Families of America and purchase their $5 brochure which will be a comprehensive guide to adoption. This will help you understand the differences between private and international adoptions as well as the thousands of other avenues for adoption available to you. Sadly, this can also be a way to avoid being trapped and tricked into the allotment of false agencies that are only out for your money. Each year, thousands of people in the United States alone lose $10, to $20 thousand dollars a year to scams and fraudulent adoption agencies. Not everyone who seems like they are out to help you really are, and you must be clear about the dark underbelly of these organizations.

Once you have researched and studied, you need to study some more. One of the best allies you can have is to find other families who have been through it. Check out forums, online groups, support groups, and look in your community for groups of adoptive parents. Their insider perception and experience can help you make it through both the best and worst of times as well as help you become ultra prepared. They are an enormous force of talent in helping you avoid red tape, scams, and in the development of the mindset you will need to make it through the adoption process. Far too many parents seek out adoption thinking that the high demand will make it easy, only to find that the process and legal ramifications make it trying at best. Still, the end definitely justifies the means!

Adoption also takes a great deal of unwavering faith. This doesn’t mean that only religious parents will be successful at adoption this means that you have to remain faithful in the process. During your journey, you have to understand and believe that the chosen child for you is slowly but surely making their way into your life. Like all things in life, it may not be a newborn infant or the exact child you envisioned with golden hair and blue eyes but a complete and better surprise than anything you might have ever expected. Keeping your eyes and your faith on the miracle of a child in your life and remaining open to destiny and the power of positive thinking are useful tools of survival in the adoption process.

How Much Does Adoption Cost?

Another question that has to play a part in your adoption proceedings is how much the adoption will cost. The answer to this is not clear-cut and you will find that with fees from all the inclusion agencies it will vary greatly from state to state and country to country. International adoptions, depending on where they are from can cost between $5,000 and $50,000 and can come with an assortment of issues. Some adoptions can cost nothing. On average private adoption in the United States costs about $20,000. Most of the private adoption agencies have set fees that should be disclosed before you choose to adopt. They also have waiting lists that take years to muddle through and mounds of paperwork that need to be filed, filled, and collected. The back and forth can cost money and unforeseen expenditures such as travel also need to be considered.

Costs for adoption through a private attorney, which is a relatively new facet in the adoption world can cost around $25,000 before its all said and done. Many of the adoption costs are set to encompass the fees of the birth mother and often the labor and delivery of the child. In varying states, certain fees are illegal and you should be warned to check with your state regulations about fees before paying any money up front. Over seas adoptions work on a completely different host of fees and legal ramifications, that makes them while easier even more expensive.

Another consideration in the costs of adoption is that time off of work for hearings, screenings and travel as well as other expenses may not be disclosed but should be expected. For many reasons, adoptive parents should be prepared to secure savings, loans or capitalize on other incomes in order to remain both eligible and ready to act should an opportunity arise.

Foster Care and Adoption

Each year in the United States there are around 100,000 children newly placed in foster care with around 500,000 other children already in the system. Sadly, these numbers may sound inflated but actually are not. Many of these kids are transient waiting for the system to declare them wardens of the state and eligible for placement. Others, as wardens of the state are already eligible for adoption and are placed from home to home looking for a place to settle down. Consider that the majority of children over the age of 10, spend the remainder of their juvenile life in the foster care system without finding a home before they are released at 18. This means that there are thousands of children who are in limbo, being looked over because they are not babies. This group is probably the most in need of adoptive parents.

Becoming a foster parent is not easy, but the steps in doing so are well regulated and easy to navigate. Because the need is so high, you may find that you can have a child placed in your home within a month of being accepted as a foster parent. This is a good way to familiarize yourself with children and a powerful way to make a difference in the life of a child. Even if you continue to pursue the adoption process, you will be gaining valuable lessons about life and love from the children who will pass through your home.

Many foster parents (statistics report as many as 2/3rds) adopt children that are in their care. Being a foster parent can also make your resume for adoption more attractive to private adoption agencies as well as state adoption agencies. However, it is important to realize that these settings and relationships are often temporary. Learning to live with the heartbreak of losing a foster child to another home, or to a birth parent you don’t feel is acceptable can be heartbreaking blows to your positive attitude. Foster children also come with a great deal of background that you may not understand nor be qualified to deal with. And this is okay. That is how being a parent is.

If you are thinking about adoption think about this. Millions of children sit alone and unattended to. There is nothing more heartbreaking than to know that thousands of children go to bed each night without a bed, without a meal and without a parent to tuck them in. There are tons of kids who need to be adopted by loving, supportive, and positive homes just like yours. Sadly, it can take nothing short of miracle to unite you with your adoptive child but he or she is out there!

Adoption is one of the best things that you can do with your love. It doesn’t always matter why you want to adopt just that you do. If you approach adoption with a lot of knowledge and insight and are prepared to swallow your heart a time or two, then you should make sure you jump in with both feet! Stand true to your desires to have a child, and never give up no matter how tough things get. You will find that you are not alone and that there is any army of assistance waiting to help you, and waiting to help you place your arms around the child that is meant to be yours.

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Different Types of Foster Care

There are different types of foster care for different situations. Children just placed in foster care will often be sent to a temporary foster home as social workers seek to find a more appropriate long-term living situation. Children may only be in temporary foster homes for a matter of weeks or days. Foster parents in these temporary homes must be equipped to provide for a child’s basic needs, but not on a long-term basis. Temporary foster care parents must have the flexibility to accept children into their homes on a moment’s notice and should have the ability to comfort a child that is scared and upset.

Long-term foster care parents must have the ability to care for the same child for months or even years. Children who are placed in long-term foster care often maintain a relationship with biological relatives, so foster parents must be able to bring foster children to visitations.

The type of foster care you decide to provide will depend entirely on you. If you wish to open your home to a child in need but feel that you cannot make a long-term commitment to a child, perhaps short-term foster care is best for you. Maybe you’re hoping to develop a lasting relationship with a child, or even adopt a child from foster care. In this case, long-term foster care is more appropriate.

Application Process

Different states have different requirements for foster parents. After making the decision to become a foster parent, the first step is to contact a local foster care agency. The agency will lead you through the process and eventually place you with a foster child, once you’ve completed all the requirements. Before your placement, the foster care agency will ask you to fill out an application and you will be asked to attend a class where you will be trained to meet the needs of a foster care child. In these classes, you will learn about caring for a child who is experiencing grief and loss. Children in foster care may act out to show their anger, frustration or sadness. They may also be behind in school, because of the upheavals they have experienced in their personal life. Children in foster care may have previously experienced years of abuse or neglect, and that can lead to a variety of emotional, physical and psychological problems. All of these complications will need to be addressed by you as the foster parent. The training you attend is meant to prepare you for these challenges.

In addition to attending classes, you will need to disclose extensive information about your personal history, and the history of all the people in your household. The foster care agency will write a long report, called a homestudy, that provides in-depth information about your financial situation, your cultural and ethnic background, your personality and the type of home you live in. All members of your household will be discussed in the homestudy. The homestudy document is meant to determine if your home is an appropriate environment for a foster child, and if so, what type of child will be best placed with you. Once the homestudy is complete, the foster care agency will evaluate your application. If you are approved to become a foster parent, the foster care agency will contact you as soon as there is a placement ready.

Providing A Safe Home

As you prepare to become a foster parent, you must remember you will need to provide your foster child with all the same services as any other child living under your roof. Your foster child will need, at the very least, a place to sleep, food to eat, adequate clothing and a school to attend. You will need to prepare a bedroom with personal space for your child’s belongings. Your home must be made ready to accept a foster child on short notice, so there will need to be room in your life and your schedule for the needs of an additional person.

You’ll be expected to provide for your foster child’s special needs as well. You may be asked to take your foster child to a therapist provided by the agency. Your foster child may have a special medical condition that requires you to make frequent trips to a physician. You may find that your foster child has never experienced healthy or productive forms of discipline, and you may need to override years of bad behavior management.

There will also be a crucial emotional component to your foster child’s needs. Foster care children must be made to feel safe, secure and loved. As you prepare to become a foster parent, you must ask yourself what you will do to make your foster child feel welcome and wanted in your house.

Adoption

Many people make the decision to become a foster parent because they hope to eventually adopt a child, but foster care can be a risky path to adoption. Often when a child is removed from the home of a biological parent, either due to abuse or neglect, the biological parent will be given a set amount of time to rehabilitate behaviors or improve the circumstances that caused the child to be removed. This process can take years. If the biological parents are unable to meet the state requirements for the child, the parent’s rights are terminated, and then the child will be freed for adoption. During this time, a tight bond may develop between the foster parent and the child. Foster parents hoping to adopt must understand and accept that their foster child or children may eventually be returned to their biological parents. Only individuals who feel they can handle this kind of uncertainty should enter into a foster care situation with the hope that they may someday adopt.

Becoming a foster parent can take a long time–usually about a year from the time you contact a foster care agency to the time that a child is placed in your home. You will need patience and persistence to see you through the process. Ultimately, this patience and persistence will be an asset to you as a foster parent.

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When it comes to international adoption, there are many countries that routinely allow US (Or Canadian) adoptions with more ease. From time to time, these countries will temporarily suspend international adoptions. Right now, the most common countries open to international adoptions are China, Guatemala, Russia, and Korea. The ratification to the Hague Treaty on Inter-Country Adoption works to make adopting from foreign countries ethical for all people involved. As more changes to this treaty are made, there will be more countries added to the list of most popular foreign countries to adopt from; as well as some that refuse to follow regulations, removed. The countries listed above are not the ONLY countries that participate in international adoption but are the most common source for adopting children from foreign countries.

You should also know that there are restrictions and guidelines set forth by the US and foreign countries that decide who is eligible to adopt. The foreign countries involved in adoptions from foreign countries set forth requirements that all parents must meet which normally revolve around age, income, number of existing children, marital status, and gender for single parents. And along with that can come some very unusual requirements. For instance in Korea, parents wishing to adopt from overseas cannot weigh more than 30% over their normal weight for height. Some countries such as Armenia, Thailand, and Sri Lanka do not allow single parents to adopt. Often countries require that adoptive parents maintain some sort of residency in their country before leaving with a child. A few countries mandate a residency of more than two years, which for obvious reasons; can be unrealistic from many US citizens looking to adopt outside the country.

However, the good news is that while some of the requirements set forth by foreign countries seem strict or unrealistic, foreign adoption is easier for older couples. Many foreign countries do not put an age limit on eligibility to adopt. Religion can also play a part, and some countries will not allow adoptions to parents that do not have a certain belief in God.

If you are certain that you want to look into adopting children from foreign countries, you should start out with caution. Currently, for United States residents, there are around fifty countries they can choose for international adoption. Australia, Canada, and Western Europe do not allow Americans to adopt children. One reason that so many people seek out international adoption is because there are so many newborns, or young babies available in these countries to parents. Statistics indicate that more then 50% of all children available for foreign adoption are less than one year of age. And astonishingly, 97% of the children are under four.

Another benefit to adopting from foreign countries is that there are minimal interferences with birth parents. In many of these countries, such as China where newborn girls are abandoned by the thousands per month the birth parents are virtually non-existent. Additionally, by the time an adopter from a country like the United States is matched with a child, the birth parents have been bureaucratically dealt with and retain absolutely no rights to their child. This means that you wont be let down by a change of heart, or hunted down by birth parents very often when adopting from foreign countries.

Perhaps the best part about adopting internationally is that once you are approved you are virtually guaranteed a child. It normal takes around 12 18 months for an international adoption to be completed from start to finish. During this time, you will have to make several visits to the country where you are adopting. However, the adoption will be legalized before you board a plane to come home, which means in the United States there will be little to no red tape to deal with.

On the flip side, the travel requirements of adopting children from a foreign country can be very expensive and time consuming. Some countries require families to travel more than once in order to attend interviews and fill out paperwork. And speaking of paperwork, you can expect to fill out in excess of 100 forms, depending on where you adopt from. Home studies are also conducted. Some other disadvantages besides money, is that few adoptive parents know any health history of their adopted child. The birth parents are virtually invisible, and even the agencies where you adopt from will not be able to give you any type of information. Plus, many of these children born in poverty can suffer from health problems, as well as developmental delays because prenatal care is basically non-existent. Yet, there are specialized pediatricians who can help you fill in the gaps and recommend specific testing to see if your adopted child is at risk for any illness or disease.

Adopting children from foreign countries can be a very regarding experience. You will be literally saving a child from a poor environment. Of course, the costs and stress involved can take their toll. Before you begin, your best bet is to contact the Alliance for Children to get names of contacts and agencies that can walk you through the international adoption process. They help to serve families on both ends of the oceans, ensuring that children are not taken advantage of during the process of adoption. Plus, working with agencies like this ensures that the child you are receiving is not one that has been acquired through illegal means or extortion. You can get in touch with them at www.allforchildren.org.

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