This article provides an overview of temporary guardianships and how they work, helping caregivers understand the responsibilities and benefits associated with this type of arrangement. Find out what is involved in signing temporary guardianship papers, the types of situations they can help with, and how to ensure all parties are protected.

What Is a Temporary Guardianship?

A temporary guardianship is a legal arrangement where one person (the guardian) takes on the responsibility for another person’s health and welfare. This may be for an adult or a minor, depending on the situation. The guardian takes on responsibility for the person’s daily care, finances, and medical decisions. A temporary guardianship is not a permanent arrangement; it is usually only in place for a set period of time and can be revoked or amended at any point.

Types of Situations Where Temporary Guardianships Are Used

Temporary guardianships can be used in a variety of situations, and these may include:

When a parent is incapacitated through illness

One of the main uses for temporary guardianships is when a parent is unable to care for their child due to an illness or disability. In these cases, the guardian will take on responsibility for the child’s care until the parent recovers.

When a parent is absent through work or other reasons

In some cases, a parent may need to be away from home for work-related or other reasons. In these cases, the guardian will take on responsibility for the child’s care while the parent is away.

When a parent is deceased

In cases where a parent has passed away, a temporary guardianship can be used to provide care for the surviving child until other arrangements are made.

When a child is unaccompanied by an adult

In some cases, a child may need to travel unaccompanied by an adult. In these cases, a guardian can be appointed to take on responsibility for the child while they are away from home.

Legal Responsibilities of Temporary Guardianships

When setting up a temporary guardianship, it is essential that both parties understand the responsibilities and rights of all involved. The guardian must understand their legal obligations and the limits of their authority. This includes the following:

Acting in the best interests of the child

One of the main responsibilities of the guardian is to act in the best interests of the child or adult they are caring for. This includes providing adequate care and ensuring any decisions made are in the best interests of the person.

Providing financial support

The guardian is also responsible for providing financial support for the person they are caring for. This may include providing food, clothing, and other necessities.

Making medical decisions

The guardian may also be responsible for making medical decisions on behalf of the person they are caring for. This includes providing consent for medical treatment. It is important to ensure that all parties understand the limits of the guardian’s authority and that any decisions are made in accordance with the best interests of the person they are caring for.

Protecting the person’s rights

The guardian must also ensure that the person they are caring for is protected and their rights are respected. This includes respecting the right to privacy and ensuring any decisions made are in accordance with the law.

How Can I Be a Good Temporary Guardian?

If you have been tasked with providing temporary guardianship for someone, there are a few things you can do to ensure you provide the best care possible. These include:

Familiarizing yourself with the law

It is important that you familiarize yourself with the laws and regulations in your state or country regarding temporary guardianships. This will help ensure that you understand your rights and responsibilities as a guardian.

Being patient and understanding

It is important to remember that the person you are caring for may be going through a difficult time. It is important to be patient and understanding and provide the best care possible.

Listening to the person you are caring for

It is also important to listen to the person you are caring for and ensure their views and opinions are taken into account when making any decisions.

Final Thoughts

Temporary guardianships can provide an invaluable service for those who are unable to care for themselves or their children due to an illness, disability, or other reasons. If you have been tasked with providing temporary guardianship for someone, it is important to familiarize yourself with the laws in your state or country and ensure that you provide the best care possible.

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As a therapist, I’ve worked with many people who’ve suffered from perfectionism. What I’ve noticed is these clients are usually very empathic, gifted and conscientious people who care a lot about others. In our work together, we explore what purpose their perfectionism has served, so that they can release the pain and find greater liberation internal and in their lives.

Perfectionism can develop for many reasons. For some, it’s an anxious nature that’s temporarily soothed by feeling in control. For others, it’s the experience of being overpowered by unhealthy relationship dynamics in which the person struggling with perfectionistic traits typically feels exceedingly responsible for others. Or perhaps it’s evolved from a habit of comparing yourself to others and not feeling good enough.

No matter how or why your perfectionistic traits developed, it’s important to recognize them as a warning sign you need to heed. When you find yourself grappling with your perfectionism’s desire to be in control, it’s time to take a pause. It’s time to notice what’s happening inside of you and around you, so that you can discern what’s making you feel uncomfortable.

You may be feeling:

1. The need for self-protection. Automatic responses usually stem from a place of self-protection. This means that your urge to be perfectionistic is a sign that some part of you does not feel safe. It’s important to feel safe and secure, but it’s important to realize when you’re being given the opportunity to grow by stepping out of your comfort zone.

When you step out of your comfort zone, it helps you to feel more confident that you can navigate tough times. When your old ways of reacting surface, take a moment to pause and see if you can find the bravery you need to try something new.

2. A sign that something from the past is present. Perfectionistic traits may develop as a response to unhealthy interpersonal relationships or traumatic experiences. When you feel pressure to be perfect, it may be a sign that something does not feel right in the here-and-now.

This is why being mindful can help you can discern what’s happening. Perhaps you are experiencing an opportunity to heal from trauma you’ve experienced. Or, perhaps your reaction is an important cue that you’re in a problematic situation that could cause harm.

Whatever conclusion you draw from the warning signal, it’s important to listen. Self-reflection, self-soothing, and assessment of the relationships you have and the agreements you made are essential components of creating health and balance in your life.

3. The opportunity to change, heal, and grow. It’s my belief that we are in a constant state of evolution. Your evolution is tied into your ability to rise to the challenge, find fulfilment, and learn new and more effective ways to respond to distress. Therefore, each time you notice perfectionism trying to resolve your distress, this is an opportunity to grow.

Brene Brown’s book, The Gifts of Imperfection, does an incredible job at breaking down perfectionism. Her Wholehearted Inventory provides a road map for how to move away from perfectionism towards habits and ways of responding to stress that promote resilience. This tool I use with clients regularly, because of the clarity and insight it provides.

Perfectionism, like all coping mechanisms, plays a role in your survival. By understanding what it’s trying to communicate, you gain self-awareness and the ability to make a plan for growth. Change happens with small steps that gently guide you to move from surviving to thriving.

Stephanie McLeod-Estevez, LCPC is an art therapist and breast cancer survivor who is passionate about helping people live life boldly, no matter what kinds of obstacles they face. Learn more about her work at www.stephaniemcleodestevez.com and subscribe to her Let’s talk Art Therapy; Tips, Tools, Strategies & Resources newsletter.

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How should you deal with people you care about whose views differ from yours?

In my practice as a clinical psychologist, I have dealt with too many unfortunate situations in which this issue creates serious conflicts between husband and wife, parent and child, siblings, friends, relatives, coworkers, and neighbors. Yes, serious divisions exist, but you don’t want to lose important relationships over differences of opinions on matters such as politics. So, how can you bridge the seemingly unbridgeable chasm between people with opposing views?

A number of conflict resolution strategies can help you deal with this challenge. Taking such steps is critical to keeping marriages and friendships from being shaken or broken by the inability to tolerate disparate views.

I had to learn and use these strategies to preserve my relationship with two close friends whose political views are diametrically opposite mine. Over the years, we have maintained and even strengthened our relationship with dignity and mutual respect. We made a conscious decision that being right or imposing our views on each other was far less important than maintaining the warmth and integrity of our relationship.

So, how did we do this, and how can you replicate that success?

1. Prioritize relationships. We actually do not want to – and should not – put key relationships on the chopping block. Period. No matter how passionately we feel about our positions and how insane we feel the other side’s ideas are, our human connections matter most. For that reason alone, this discussion is worthwhile.

2. Find common ground.No matter how opposite the other person’s views are, you can find at least one thing to agree on if you focus on commonality, not on why your friend is wrong. Finding meeting places in the middle requires creativity and humility, but you can build bridges. Perhaps you both prioritize education or the environment or animal welfare, even though you have policy differences. Start with what you share.

3. Avoid black-and-white thinking. When we are emotionally charged, the right hemisphere of the brain become very activated, especially the limbic system, the brain’s emotional center. When this area is on high alert, most of the nervous system’s neurological energy rushes to the right brain to maintain the intensity of its activation. Unfortunately, in the process, the left hemisphere – the brain’s logical processing center – essentially shuts down. As a result, in emotionally charged situations, we can’t process complexities. We see only the black and white, the right and wrong, and not the gray in the middle, the common ground. Perhaps you can both agree that the situation may be more complex than your debate can encompass and cool down the argument’s intensity, as well as your limbic system.

4. Show respect. Find ways to acknowledge or validate the other person’s perspective. Besides being an effective conflict resolution strategy, this can defuse a disagreement’s intensity because it shows you’ve heard the other person – without having to agree with him or her. Just telling people you hear and respect them often can neutralize the heat of an argument and even strengthen the relationship.

5. Agree to disagree. Deciding mutually to avoid discussing hot topics in order to preserve the dignity and the stability of your relationship is often the best solution. More fragile or at-risk connections may need this strategy to survive. Sometimes, the area of disagreement is just not worth creating harsh feelings. Let them be them, while you be you.

6. Broaden your perspective. Most challenging (but most worthwhile to your personal growth), is working on broadening your viewpoint to incorporate other ideas. Rigidity and inflexibility are rarely effective in relationships. Being able to see something from another person’s viewpoint is a valuable relationship tool. It also actually improves your cognitive flexibility, which will make you more effective in every encounter with other people.

Making peace and keeping peace among family and friends is a core value. As we head into another election season, we need to consider what our real priorities are: maintaining the integrity of our most important relationships and fulfilling the need to come together for the common good.

Dr. Norman Goldwasser is a psychologist practicing in Miami Beach. With more than 30 years of experience, he specializes in treating trauma, narcissism, and family relationships. An expert in the use of EMDR, he is also the author of “Breaking the Mirror – Overcoming Narcissism: How to Conquer Self-Centeredness and Achieve Successful Relationships” and the upcoming “The Changeability Quotient: How Changeable Are You… and How Can You Improve Your Ability to Change?” For more information visit www.normangoldwasserphd.com.

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In this article, we’ll discuss the importance of enlisting an immigration lawyer for your Canadian visa application. Immigration lawyers play a crucial role in understanding the elaborate aspects of immigration law and keeping up with the ever-evolving world of immigration policies, which ultimately helps individuals and businesses achieve their immigration aspirations.

1. Expertise in Immigration Law

One significant reason for hiring an immigration lawyer lies in their comprehensive understanding of Canadian immigration law. It’s a complicated and continuously changing field that can be hard for individuals to grasp fully. Immigration lawyers have dedicated years to studying and working in this specific niche, allowing them to offer expert advice and ensure your application adheres to all legal mandates.

An immigration lawyer can evaluate your unique circumstances, suggest the most appropriate immigration route, and design a tailored strategy to maximize your chances of success. Be it applying for Express Entry, a Provincial Nominee Program (PNP), family sponsorship, or any other immigration category; an immigration lawyer’s proficiency can greatly impact your application’s outcome.

2. Navigating the Complex Application Process

Canada’s immigration system encompasses numerous visa categories—each with its own eligibility criteria, documentation requirements, and application processes. Immigration lawyers grasp these complexities and can guide you throughout the entire application journey—from preparing and submitting documents to addressing requests for additional details.

Moreover, immigration lawyers help you sidestep common errors that may lead to rejection or delays in your application. Their meticulous attention ensures that everything is accurate and complete, minimizing the risks of encountering issues that could interfere with your immigration path.

3. Tailored Solutions for Your Unique Situation

Every immigration case is unique, and what works for one individual or family may not be suitable for another. Immigration lawyers take the time to assess your specific circumstances and provide personalized advice. They can identify potential obstacles or complications that you might not be aware of and develop strategies to address them effectively.

For instance, if you have a complex immigration history or face challenges related to inadmissibility issues, such as criminal convictions or health concerns, an immigration lawyer can explore options like applying for a Temporary Resident Permit (TRP) or Rehabilitation to overcome these barriers.

4. Keeping Up with Changing Policies

Immigration policies and regulations in Canada can change frequently in response to shifting economic, social, and political priorities. Staying informed about these changes is crucial to ensuring that your application aligns with the latest requirements. Immigration lawyers are well-versed in these policy shifts and can adapt your immigration strategy accordingly.

Whether it’s updates to Express Entry selection criteria, alterations in provincial immigration quotas, or changes in eligibility for family sponsorship, immigration lawyers are up-to-date with the latest developments. They can help you adjust your application strategy to maximize your chances within the evolving immigration landscape.

5. Handling Complex Situations

Dealing with immigration applications can get tricky, especially when factors like criminal records, medical inadmissibility, or prior visa denials come into play. This is where an immigration lawyer’s expertise becomes crucial. They can help you build a solid case, address any concerns raised by immigration officials, and showcase your application in the best possible manner.

Take, for instance, a situation where you’ve faced a visa refusal previously. An immigration lawyer can examine the reasons behind the rejection, pinpoint weak areas in your initial application, and offer guidance on strengthening your new submission to resolve these issues.

6. Effective Communication with Immigration Authorities

Immigration lawyers play the role of a go-between for you and immigration authorities. They can speak on your behalf, represent your best interests, and ensure that your application receives careful consideration and professionalism. This is particularly helpful when handling intricate or delicate matters.

Furthermore, if there are requests for extra information or interviews, an immigration lawyer can assist you in preparing and responding accurately, which raises your chances of obtaining a positive outcome.

Conclusion

Pursuing your Canadian immigration dreams can be significantly smoother and more successful with the assistance of an immigration lawyer. Their expertise in immigration law, ability to handle complicated processes, and adaptability to ever-changing regulations can substantially impact the result of your visa application.

Although hiring an immigration lawyer does come at a cost, it’s an investment worth making when you weigh the potential benefits: improved chances of visa approval, decreased processing times, and peace of mind throughout the process.

It’s essential to remember that not all immigration lawyers are created equal—conduct thorough research when choosing one. Look for experienced and reputable professionals specializing in Canadian immigration law. With the perfect immigration lawyer by your side, you’ll be better prepared to tackle Canadian immigration complexities and transform your aspirations of living and working in Canada into reality.

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Guilt is a complex and powerful emotion that can affect your life in many ways. It can hold you back from pursuing your dreams, expressing your true self, and living joyfully. However, guilt is not inevitable or permanent. You can break through guilt by challenging the myths that fuel it and taking action to transform your life. In this article, we will explore seven myths that can cause guilt and how to overcome them.

1. Expectations and Disappointment

Guilt often emerges when you find yourself juggling your expectations with those of others. It’s like trying to steer a train in two directions simultaneously. When you prioritize others’ expectations over your own, disappointment becomes inevitable. It feels like your dreams are derailing, and you’re sacrificing your aspirations for the sake of others.

Action Item: Begin by creating a list of your own expectations and those imposed by others. Analyze the conflicts and initiate open conversations to find common ground and foster mutually beneficial outcomes.

For example, if you are expected to follow a certain career path by your family, but you have a different passion, you can explain to them why your choice matters to you and how it aligns with your values and goals. You can also listen to their concerns and address them respectfully.

2. People Pleasing and Abandonment

People-pleasing often leads to self-abandonment. You feel compelled to please others at the cost of neglecting your inner knowing of what’s best for you. This can create a chasm between your authentic self and the persona you project as a professional people-pleaser.

Action Item: Practice self-compassion and assertiveness. Learn to say no when necessary, and prioritize your well-being without guilt.

For instance, if you are invited to a social event that you don’t want to attend, you can politely decline without feeling guilty. You can also use the time to do something that nourishes your soul, such as reading or meditating.

3. Knowing and Owning Personal Beliefs and Values

During conflicts, you might suppress your own voice and values, fearing discord. This suppression can lead to guilt as you feel like you’re betraying your true self. It’s crucial to differentiate between your beliefs and others’ expectations to maintain authenticity.

Action Item: Reflect on your core beliefs and values. Engage in open, respectful dialogues to express your perspectives and gain a better understanding of others’.

For example, if you have a different political opinion than your friends, you can share it with them without being defensive or aggressive. You can also listen to their views with curiosity and empathy.

4. Manipulation and Fear of Loss

Fear of loss, whether it’s relationships, status, or financial stability, can easily manipulate your decisions. You might compromise your authentic self to prevent these losses, resulting in guilt.

Action Item: Practice transparent communication. Express your feelings and needs clearly to reduce manipulation and fear-driven decisions.

For instance, if you are unhappy with your job, but afraid of losing it, you can communicate with your boss or colleagues about what’s bothering you and what changes you would like to see. You can also explore other options to better suit you.

5. Good Boy and Good Girl Syndrome

Society often teaches us that sacrificing our needs for others makes us better individuals. This “good boy” or “good girl” syndrome can lead to guilt as you prioritize others over yourself.

Action Item: Shift your focus towards self-awareness and self-care. Recognize that taking care of yourself is not selfish but essential for your well-being. For example, if you feel guilty for taking a break from work or family responsibilities, you can remind yourself that you are not a machine but a human being who needs rest and rejuvenation. You can also schedule some time for yourself every day to do something that makes you happy, such as listening to music, playing a game, or watching a movie.

6. Personal Authority vs. Capitulation

Guilt can arise from not asserting your personal authority. To break free, you must identify and claim your beliefs and values. This process involves dissecting your thoughts to distinguish between your authentic self and external influences.

Action Item: Regularly reflect on your values and assert your personal authority. Be selective in adopting beliefs, ensuring they align with your true self. For example, if you feel guilty for not following a certain trend or norm, you can question its validity and relevance for you. You can also decide whether it serves your best interests.

7. Sovereignty, Freedom, and Liberation

Guilt often projects onto others, preventing you from recognizing your true sovereign and liberated self. You were born free from guilt, but societal conditioning can obscure this original self.

Action Item: Reclaim your personal accountability. Lead your life authentically and with honesty, promoting sovereignty, personal freedom, and joyful liberation.

For example, if you feel guilty for making a mistake or failing at something, you can acknowledge it without blaming yourself or others. You can also learn from it and move on with grace.

Guilt is not a life sentence. It is a signal that something needs to change in your life. By identifying and debunking the myths that cause guilt, you can free yourself from its grip and embrace your authentic self. You can also take action to align your life with your values, beliefs, and aspirations.

Daniela Bumann, a bestselling author and thought-leader, is a Swiss native, a transformative speaker, life mastery coach, and evolutionary consciousness guide. Daniela’s unconventional approach empowers high achievers to break free from self-sabotage, align with purpose, and create lives of authenticity and fulfillment. Her insights, shared in her bestselling book, “High-Performance Without Pain,” guide readers towards mindful habits and vibrant living. As a bestselling author and sought-after speaker and visionary based in California, she empowers individuals to break free from limiting behaviors, creating lasting growth, exuberance and fulfillment. For more information visit www.vibrantlivingnow.org.

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A lot of folks focus on the negative effects of sports betting on relationships, but they fail to see that sports betting can also ignite passion and strengthen relationships. It can be a positive thing. First off, having something in common with a potential partner is always helpful provided it’s not unhealthy or harmful. When one or both place a bet at their favourite betting site with Cash Out or other features, it builds a mutual sense of anticipation and excitement. But it goes much deeper than that.

Friendly Competition

Whether it’s playing board games, witty banter, or battling for control of the television remote, competition is a part of almost all relationships. Few things spark a healthy competitive spirit like sports rivalries. Especially if you have your pride and a few bucks on the line. As long as neither party rubs it in too much, the friendly competition will keep the fire burning.

Fall in Love with a New Sport

Let’s say that you like betting on basketball, hockey, and baseball whilst your significant other prefers football and snooker. This provides a great opportunity to expand your horizons and learn to bet on new sports. Snooker might not be your thing now, but we all know how a simple sports bet can completely change one’s perspective.

In addition to gaining an appreciation for other sports, a sports betting couple can also teach each other different betting strategies, systems, and other informative tidbits. This greatly benefits both parties and offers endless hours of interesting conversation.

Keeping it Real

If the significant other in your relationship is a sports bettor, then there is a pretty good chance that they are hip to the symptoms and consequences of problem gambling. They understand the importance of betting within your limits and avoiding irresponsible behavior like chasing losses and impulsively placing ill-informed wagers. It isn’t as easy to hide this type of behavior from someone so close. Not for long anyway.

Having someone who cares keeping casual tabs on your sports gambling will help keep you honest. One can rein the other in when it’s called for to prevent a slide down the slippery slope. A good partner can also keep you on an even keel during winning or losing streaks.

Increase Your Social Circle

The modern sports betting community is massive partly due to factors like increased accessibility to online bookmakers, legalization, and the fact that sports betting has largely become socially acceptable. If you go to a place like a sports bar or a live sports event, you will likely find that it is filled with more couples than ever before. And a lot of the time those couples have bets on the games they are watching.

This is a prime opportunity to meet like-minded couples that share your passion for sports betting. You can skip the small talk and dive straight into a more stimulating conversation that all in attendance can confidently contribute to.

Save Money on Entertainment

Going out for dinner, dancing, or a movie can be quite costly as can many other forms of entertainment. Even though couples have to do those things once in a while to prevent the relationship from stagnating, placing a bet and staying in with your partner to watch a game can be much cheaper and just as entertaining. Even if you both lose your wagers. Of course, life can get very spicy if you both win your bets.

Final Words

Sports betting is essentially a hobby or a form of entertainment. And like any other hobby, it has the power to bring people together. Because sports betting now appeals to such a broad demographic, we are seeing more and more couples engaging in it. Whilst we cannot deny that there can be a dark side to sports betting, doing it responsibly is just another way to strengthen bonds between people.

If you are looking to try something exciting and new with your significant other, try betting on a match together and then sit back to find out where it takes you. You just might find that it ignites a passion and strengthens your relationship.

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We absolutely loved the family time activities and events like wiffleball games in the backyard or family cookouts. There are very few experiences in life that can be compared to the shock of death. Below are eight secrets to help you to better understand and manage your grief.

1. Proactively share with your friends and family how you are really feeling and specifically what type of help you need. Provide them with directions as to how to best help you. Ideas include:

• Encourage them to share stories and pictures about your loved one.
• Tell them to not try to fix your pain, but just to be there for you.
• Encourage them to be patient and understanding with you.
• Share with them that you have been through a traumatic experience and that you are a different person. Ask them to accept you for who you are now.

2. Try to understand that the world will go on, even without your loved one in it. It is so easy to get angry at the rest of the world. The sooner you understand this, the easier your grief will become.
3. Understand that “Everyone Grieves Differently”. If your spouse or parents or siblings appear to not be grieving or grieving differently from you, try to understand that everyone has the right to experience their own unique grief. It is not wrong, it is just different.

4. Accept the fact that it is natural for you to cry or get angry or be depressed. As a griever, you will feel multiple different emotions, sometimes all at the same time. These are normal. You are not going crazy.

5. Accept that your questions or “why’s” may never be answered. Example; Why did they die? Could I have done something different that might have saved them? Instead, let go of the “why’s” and accept what has happened and go on living. This is what the deceased would want you to do.6. Identify and acknowledge that secondary losses like “loss of dreams” or “loss of financial stability” are a normal part of grief. Where the death of a loved one is considered the primary loss, experiences that flow from that death are called secondary losses. “Secondary” means that these losses come because of the death.

7. Try to find “new meaning” in your life. Ask yourself, what would my loved one want me to do? Would they want me to be sad and angry for the rest of my life, or would they want me to try to find new meaning and be happy once again? I think you know the answer.
8. Create something to “look forward” to doing. This could be a family getaway or vacation or something as simple as planting a garden. Just having something to anticipate in the future will help you get through the toughest of days.

Randy Stocker is the survivor of an unfathomable tragedy with the deaths of three family members to a distracted semi-truck driver. Instead of wallowing in his grief, he took the path to learn about grief and grieving so he could help others. Stocker is the author of the book, “Hugs Help-Our Story of Tragic Loss, Survival, and Helping Others.” He is also a sought-after professional speaker, an organizer of multiple bereavement groups, and a great listener to others who have suffered tragic loss. Randy also runs a helpful Facebook group on grief and grieving.

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If there’s an important celebration coming up and you want to get your friend, partner, or parent the best gift possible, check out these tips.

Key Into Their Interests

The first thing you want to do when faced with the prospect of getting a loved one a meaningful gift is to think deeply about who they are. What do they love? What are they curious about but haven’t fully explored yet? Are there any interests or experiences you share that could be alluded to in gift form?

For some, a plush set of putter coversmight be the best gift ever. For others, only handmade will do. Show them you care by spending time and effort on a gift. When you think deeply about the recipient of your gift, ideas will naturally start arising.

Give Them What They Want, Not What They Need

Sometimes a pair of nice socks or a plush new pillow is exactly what’s called for – something practical and useful.

But oftentimes, the most thoughtful gifts are the ones that engage your loved ones’ more creative pursuits. Gift them something totally unnecessary, something geared toward relaxation, fun, and creative inspiration.

They can get home and health essentials for themselves. Get them something totally fun, and totally unnecessary.

More Expensive Isn’t Always Better

Gift-giving doesn’t just give you the gratitude of having performed an act of kindness; it can actually improve your health. Research has shown that gift-giving stimulates chemical responses in the brain that can promote the growth of “feel good” chemicals like serotonin, oxytocin, and dopamine.

You may not make much of an impression by buying someone an expensive new watch that anyone would wear. That likely doesn’t have any personal resonance for them or for your relationship. Instead, homemade or personalized gifts that showcase your unique bond will always be better.

Handmade is King

If gift-giving is good for you, giving a hand-crafted give is even better for you. Research has proven that working with your hands on an artsy craft can help bolster mood, reduce stress, and help build self-confidence. It can also act as a natural anti-depressant, mitigating the effects of PTSD, anxiety, and other mood disorders.

What better way to show you care than to make something from scratch? Presenting a loved one with a handmade gift shows that you dedicated your time and energy to them. You didn’t just run out to the store and get something to fill a box. They’ll appreciate you for it.

Gifting is Love

Don’t think of gifting as obligatory. Think of it as an expression of love. Transform your love for your friends and families into gifts that show them you care.

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Even though Char and I had been married for 21-years, the way we grieved after the death of our two daughters, Jenelle-age 19, and Amy-age 9, as well as my mother, Jean, was like night and day.

• I cried often—Char didn’t cry for four months.
• I knew instantly that I would never see them alive again. She thought their deaths were a mistake and she would see them again soon.
• I was angry with God for not protecting them. Char knew they were in a better place—heaven.

Coping with grief as a couple is difficult. We were told that the divorce rate for couples after a significant loss was much higher than normal. We chose to not let our tragedy ruin our marriage. Instead, we chose to:

Plan Ahead

After a tragic loss, couples need something to “look forward to”. It can be something small—like a dinner date at a new restaurant—or something big—like a trip to Alaska.

It took us around seven months to even consider our future without Jenelle and Amy. In January 2004, we started talking about adoption. We had more love to give and were not ready to not have any children at home. We realized the process would take a long time, but we started looking forward to October 2005 when we would have a young child in our home again. Although the process took longer than expected, we first met our new daughter, Melissa, in Guangzhou China, on Christmas Day, 2005.

The second thing that kept us going was planning a family trip to Disneyworld in Florida.  Mom had always wanted to take the entire family—five children, five spouses, and eighteen grandchildren to see Mickey Mouse. We scheduled the trip around the first anniversary of the death of mom, Jenelle, and Amy.

Don’t focus on what you lost, focus on what you had!

It was nearly impossible to not think about our loss. It drove us crazy until we started thinking about the amazing nineteen and nine years, respectively, we had with Jenelle and Amy. Those years were amazing. Thinking about the good times helped us to be thankful for the years we had with our daughters and gave us the peace of mind to go forward with our lives. We also knew that our daughters would want us to have a good life, even without them. Ask yourself—what would your loved one want you to do?

Be Patient with Each Other

Couples need to support each other through this awful thing called grief. Understand that there will be good days and horrible days. Your job is not to make each other happy. It is to simply be there and let your partner know that you will be with them throughout your life together and that you can imagine a happier future together.

Write it Down!

Sometimes it is easier to write down our thoughts and feelings vs. trying to express them orally. If you are struggling with how to say what you are feeling and what you need from your partner, put it in writing instead. He or she will appreciate your effort and have a better understanding of exactly how to help.

Randy Stocker is a survivor of the worst kind of loss—the death of a child—two children and his mother, in his case. Randy and his family live in Rochester, MN. He is an author, a professional speaker, and a realtor. He is active in his community via civic organizations like Rotary, BNI (Business Networking International), the Chamber of Commerce, and his church. Randy is the author of the book, “Hugs Help”. His goal is to provide practical advice and to help people understand grief—as a griever, as a comforter, or as a friend. 

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Our harsh words may vary, but the themes are often similar—“What was I thinking?”?” “I’m so stupid” “What is wrong with me?” “I’m worthless” or “I’ll never be good enough.” Sound familiar?

Once the self-critical thoughts begin, they usually continue their downward spiral. Not only are these thoughts unhelpful, but they can increase feelings of anxiety and depression.

What keeps us from letting go of self-criticism? The habit may be so automatic that we may not even be aware in the moment that it’s happening. If we are aware of it, we may not know how to stop talking to ourselves so harshly. Or perhaps we mistakenly believe that if we stop being hard on ourselves, we will be lazy and unmotivated, even though research suggests otherwise.

Studies have shown that people who treat themselves with kindness and compassion are more likely to achieve their goals than people who are self-critical. Studies also indicate that treating ourselves with compassion can decrease anxiety and depression.

Self-compassion is the practice of being aware of our own suffering and feeling a warm and heartfelt desire to relieve our suffering. As with most habits, it is possible to change the habit self-criticism and develop a new habit of self-compassion. We can do this with the following practices:

1. Mindfulness practice. We can begin by bringing mindful awareness to the pain that the self-criticism is causing. With an attitude of kindness, we might say something to ourselves along the lines of, “Oh, I notice that I’m saying unkind things to myself, and this increases suffering.” Noticing what we are doing and naming it silently to ourselves interrupts the thought pattern. It creates a pause that increases our ability to respond to our own experience with greater awareness and intention.

2. Compassion meditation. Bring your awareness to the area surrounding your heart. Try to imagine that your heart is filled with bright light. Imagine breathing the pain caused by self-criticism into your heart. Try to envision the light of your heart transforming the pain into kindness and compassion. See if you can hold an intention in your heart of being aware of your suffering and feeling a warm and heartfelt desire to relieve your own suffering. As you exhale, imagine the bright light of your breath, filled with kindness and compassion, moving throughout your entire being and outward toward others. Pause for a few moments to notice the good sensations and feelings of this experience of self-compassion.

With repeated practice, we can begin to increase self-compassion. In the beginning, it’s not unusual to have difficulty connecting with a heartfelt desire to relieve our own suffering. If this happens, we can try to practice noticing with kind awareness what limits us from the experience of self-compassion.

In addition to this self-compassion practice, we can also practice approaching our everyday experiences with kindness and compassion. As we practice bringing focused attention and intention toward cultivating self-compassion, our capacity to experience self-compassion increases, and the painful and automatic habit of self-criticism begins to decrease.

Practicing self-compassion can help us to feel calmer and more peaceful. In addition, it enables us to achieve our intentions and goals with greater success and ease. As we say, don’t believe me, try it for yourself. Changing any habit requires practice and consistency, so try to be kind and patient with yourself as you practice. 

Jen Johnson, MS, MFA, BCC, LCMHC is a mindfulness coach and therapist teaching people how to create a peaceful and inspired life that they love waking up to. Jen teaches online courses on mindfulness, creativity, and resilience. https://jenjohnson.com.

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