While your schedule of dates and variety in partners may be the envy of all your married friends, dating more than one person at a time is not for the faint of heart. It can be difficult to juggle both the schedule and the level of commitment that each person expects and if honesty lacks – someone is bound to get hurt. Perhaps the best way to go about a heavy dating life is to do so with the awareness that karma is always lurking in the background.
Whether you have never been married, or have just gone through a divorce, the world of dating can be exciting. Exploring uncharted territories is a great way to make firm decisions about what kind of long-term partner you want. In fact, it is wise to date a wide variety of people – many of whom are outside of your normal comfort zone so that you form rational opinions of what is acceptable in your life and more importantly what is not. At the same time, dating multiple people at once can have you picking and choosing desirable qualities from one in order to keep you content in the relationships. For instance, you may enjoy watching movies with one date and taking one-day adventures with the next. The truth is any one, committed partner may not offer all of these qualities and you will have to learn to live and appreciate what you have.
One of the nice things about ‘dating’ is that you aren’t really committed (not in the forever sense). You don’t have to necessarily return calls (although rude) or feel a wash of guilt if you decide to take off for the weekend. Dating helps add spice to your life while being non-restrictive of your personal and inner desires and decisions. At the same time, it is only fair to say that we never know our life partner will end up to be. Possibly one of your casual dates could end up your husband or wife, and being insensitive, rude, or selfish can cause problems in the long term. This is where honesty comes in. While you don’t have to fully disclose every detail of your personal life, you should make sure that all the people you are dating – know that you are dating other people in general. AND…they should feel free to do the same. Often, you don’t realize how much you really like someone until you walk into your favorite restaurant and see him or her sitting across from another mate. No matter what the circumstances, that can be uncomfortable and unsettling and jealousy is never one of the best foot forward emotions!
You can’t talk about dating more than one person at a time without talking about the ever-popular online dating sites. Most of them have a special place in your profile where you can be forthright about the expanse of your dating life. You should do so. You shouldn’t be fearful that this will make you look like a “player” because ALL of the people on those sites are essentially doing the same thing. Additionally, if you have relationships with several people – don’t be secretive about them. If you are going out with another date, then say so. If you are involved in a virtual relationship that consists of intimate chat and endearment, talk about this person with your dates. If you mention it casually, it shows that not only do you respect your current date, but that you aren’t trying to hide anything from them. Down the road, this forthright mentality can be a good quality.
You will come across people who will try to make you choose. They may have stronger feelings for you than you do for them. Or, they may simply be at a point in their lives where they would like a higher level of commitment and understanding. If you aren’t ready – don’t feel rail-roaded into the situations. There are countless people who have dated for a short stint only to reconnect in a few years, realizing they have more in common than they may have first thought. This is very much how marriage and long-term commitment are as well. One day, the two of you are giddy with love, and a few days later you are little more than best friends. Speaking of friends, there is nothing wrong with dating people briefly and realizing that they make better friends than dates. These people (as long as you have shown good qualities) can be longer lasting, more supportive and more meaningful than the strong of people you have ever dated put together.
In the dating world, those who feel strongly indifferent to testing the waters of personality and passion with partners should be looked at leeringly. Perhaps they are too clingy, or controlling. Maybe they are extremely jealous. Maybe they come on too strong. Your best bet is to make sure they know how you feel, where you stand and to let them go romantically if they try to manipulate you otherwise. One of the perks to dating people is that when you run into someone you just don’t like, you can leave without having to separate belongings. Dating is supposed to be fun, yet since so many emotions can be involved – it can be tricky as well. Especially if you are an ‘active dater.’ You should remain fair to everyone including yourself.
The other question of course is that of sexual relationships. Dating more than one person at a time doesn’t mean sleeping with more than one person at a time. However, if you are – you should take EVERY measure to ensure protection. It is unfair, sinister even – to potentially harm another person medically because you are choosing to sow wild oats. In a perfect world, you would wait until you are married. On the flip side, knowing what you need and want sexually with a partner is an important part of a long-term marital relationship as well. But remain aware of all the dangers that this can pose such as disease transmission and even unwanted pregnancies. If you have sex with someone, ask yourself how you would feel if the two of you became pregnant.
Let’s face it! If you are dating more than one person at a time – there is a good chance that you aren’t as honest as should you be. Ask yourself how you would feel if you were played the fool and make every effort to be honest. The effects of karma can be debilitating and breaking hearts and hurting people at this point in your life should not be your goal. Have fun, be safe, and try to use all of your dating experiences as cornerstones to what you would like to give and receive from partners so that when that special person comes along…you will know it!
