If you are thinking about getting married than it is likely that you are trying to find a way to ensure that you and your partner are compatible. Well, here’s some news that you might not want to hear! The raw truth is that there really is no way to say for sure whether or not you and your significant other are compatible for the long term. In the beginning of a relationship everything seems to come easy. Sex is good, passion is high and both partners are so busy trying to impress each other (hopefully) that they are always putting their best foot forward. It doesn’t matter whether you have been dating 6 weeks, 6months or 6 years or whether you cohabitate or not; marriage changes things! Some of these changes are for the better and others are for the worse (thus the phrase for better or worse) and no marriage compatibility test can accurately detect how well (or unwell) you will handle these changes! No couple really knows what the road ahead will hold for them or how their own upbringing and core set of values will affect their life decisions down the road. The hope is that the two of you are able to recognize when compromise is necessary, when a change of heart is needed and when letting go of being right (or wrong) is the only solution!
Don’t take the ring back or throw it away yet! Despite all the glum statistics about divorce there is always hope. When you commit to one another; you should also be making a commitment to your selves that you will ALWAYS remember how you feel in this moment and that you will do your best to apply hard work, integrity and honesty to the marriage when it is necessary! If you do that; you have a great chance at surviving marital life unscathed. Since you are in the mood for a test; try taking this one! It won’t decidedly tell you if you are meant for one another; but it will hopefully unveil some of the situations, decisions and obstacles that married life is sure to bring! If you answer the questions honestly; you might just gain some insight into how your mate feels about some of the important issues in life. The questions are meant to open up dialogue between the two of you more than determine your future! Your marriage compatibility test may be a way to open the door to better communication and help you to realize which areas of your life you may encounter future issues! Be honest with your answers!
- You haven’t had sex in 3 months! Is he/she cheating? Do you feel like your partner is not attracted to you? Do you begin to think about cheating? How long are you willing to go without sexual intimacy? (Now add a month or two to be realistic of what marriage can often bring)! What do you consider a normal sex life? What would you like to see your partner do sexually NOW that they don’t do?
- Surprise! Twins! (You never know) You both have jobs and suddenly your wife is put on bed rest? How do you pay the bills? Do you ask your parents for financial help? What if your parents help but your partners parents refuse to? How do you cut back on spending? Is getting hair or nails done, gym membership or premium cable channels a necessity? Find $500 a month that you now spend and try to eliminate it?
- Speaking of money! If one of you makes substantially more than the other does this mean that person should have more say so in how money is spent? Who will pay the bills? How much money do you plan to save each month? RIGHT NOW! What is your biggest complaint about your partners spending habits and why?
- Finally, those twins are born! Stay home to raise them or day care? Who will take them to the doctor when they need to go (which means missing work)? Will the grandparents play a significant role in their child care? Why or why not? Do they share a room or get their own? Do you suddenly feel like you need a new house? How will you decide who gets up with them at night! Formula or breastfeed? Also, how much do you think these babies will cost you each month? How would you feel if one parent refused to change diapers?
- Whose job is it to take out the trash? Feed the dogs? Dishes & laundry? Cut the grass? Clean the toilet? Who will do the grocery shopping? How do you think the household chores should be divided? How did your parents do things around the house and did you agree with it or not? Why? What are some household habits your spouse has now that drive you crazy (not picking up after themselves, leaving laundry on the floor, not making the bed, toilet seat up, etc. BE HONEST)
- Holidays! Where do you go for the holidays? How do you decide? What are your pre-marital family rituals that you are not willing to give up? What about making your own traditions? What if the in-laws use guilt to manipulate your decision? Is there a way to make it fair? If you visit relatives out of town do you stay with them or in a hotel? Why? (Think about this one)
- Pets? Do you have them and do they stay in the house or out?
- Religiously speaking; what is important to you? Where do you agree or disagree when it comes to faith? How will your children be raised regarding faith? If you can’t come to a mutual decision do you support your partner’s choice to follow their faith?
- Your twins are 5 and they are back talking you? Do you spank? How are they disciplined? How were you disciplined? Do both parents discipline equally or is one ‘the heavy’? What if you disagree on how your spouse handles discipline? Are the children allowed to sleep in your bed? What about allowance & gifts – how much should they be given? Do they have chores?
- How do you fight? Is one person overly sensitive or does one of you have a bad temper? Are things often said that are meant and how long will you be able to deal with that? Is divorce always an option or is it more important to work things out? Who is the most passive aggressive? Is there ever a time where your spouse doesn’t respect your space?
- Friends! How do you feel about your spouses friends? Which ones do you wish they didn’t have? How often should your spouse go out (unaccompanied by you) with their friends? Is one of your more jealous than the other and if so how does that impact your level of trust? Think about this one! What are your thoughts about drinking when socializing? What about ex-lovers; are they allowed to be friends?
Hopefully the two of you are still talking to each other. Chances are questions like these can present scenarios that may or may not occur in your life. Marriage always takes some ironing out. When you go from dating to marriage things will definitely be different and those differences should be tolerated. Right now, you are in the heat of your relationship! Eventually that WILL settle down. We all start out saying that our marriages will never be like this or that and than suddenly life happens! Resiliency and flexibility are fundamental. Often, how resilient or flexible we will be in certain situations depends on how we brought up and what we say in our own families before marriage.
Unfortunately, no two families are the same which means that our thoughts, opinions and feelings on many things in life will never be a perfect match! A marriage compatibility test will never tell you if your one and only will actually be your one and only; but it can give you some insight into they way they think about matters of family. After all, after marriage you are officially and 100% family! Remember that when it comes to family we often do things and act certain ways that we would never ever do with other people (including the ones we date).
